Alone
by Tierney Beckett
Summary: AU. Not Obidala on it's own, but a companion piece will be available for those who want one. The Clone Wars are over, Anakin has not fallen, but will the excitement of a forbidden marriage during wartime survive the relative normalcy of everyday life?


First off...for anyone who may be reading my story 'Storm Clouds May Gather', this will have absolutely nothing to do with that fic. I began this yesterday afternoon as a response to a fanfic challenge at the Obidala Fan Forum. And it kinda...ran away from me. When it was finally finished, I was over on words and not exactly right in line with the initial challenge. It had become more Padme-centric than Obidala in tone. But I'm still kinda proud of it. So up it goes.

The challenge was as follows:

_The Clone Wars are fizzling out and Padme and Anakin's relationship is running dry. And at about that point, Obi-Wan presents her with the excitement of true love and now she has to choose._

I've gone waaayyy off track with the second part of the challenge. But that's alright. Maybe I'll try another story.

So anyway...enjoy. The second chapter of the story is already written and is the only part that contains any Obidala. I'll post it if enough people want to see it. It jumps pretty far ahead of where this one ends, though. I warn you right now. For now, this one's a stand-alone.

Oh, yeah. And obviously, this is AU. Anakin never fell, Palpatine was defeated, Order 66 was never carried out, the Republic is being restored, changes are taking place within the Jedi Order,...etc, etc, etc.

* * *

In the darkness, Padme lay perfectly still as she heard Anakin enter the room. It was late. Very late. Where had he been this time?

Her Jedi husband grunted slightly as he sat down on the edge of the bed and she heard the mechanical servos of his hand whine as he removed his boots. The sound of his tunic and pants hitting the chair next to the bed followed shortly. Only seconds after that, he stretched out on the bed next to her…..and promptly fell asleep.

She blinked back the tears that pricked at her traitorous eyes. By the Force, she would NOT cry. She was done with crying. Besides, it was ridiculous to be hurt because she no longer felt desired by Anakin. When was the last time she had truly desired him? If she were brutally honest with herself, she couldn't remember.

A weak cry from the room next door sent Padme bolting out of the bed. If she reached Luke in time, he would not wake up his sister. She actually preferred Luke waking up first. Had it been Leia, the small girl would've made her displeasure immediately, and loudly, known. This way, she wouldn't have to juggle both toddlers at once.

Padme sighed with relief when she saw that Leia was not awake when she entered the room. Luke, sitting up in his bed, immediately stopped his crying and held his arms out when he saw his mother. In spite of her current state of mind, she smiled into the tear-streaked face of her son and picked him up.

"You just want to be held, don't you?" she asked, wondering if he'd had a nightmare as his arms went about her neck. She made her way into the main area of their living quarters and started to sit down, but Luke had other ideas. He wriggled and made noises of protest, pointing towards the balcony.

"What do you want, Luke?" Padme inquired, knowing exactly what her son wanted but trying to get him to say it in words.

"No, mama. 'Side," he pointed again towards the balcony. Padme raised an eyebrow at her son, who adopted his 'wheedling' look.

"Plee, mama? 'Side."

Biting back a smile at her son's inability to add the 'z' to the end of that word, Padme granted his wish. Once outside, she set Luke on his own two feet and allowed him to walk around, watching as he stopped occasionally to look upwards. She smiled as his little hand pointed up and she realized he was trying to count all the stars. Luke loved the balcony. He could look at the stars for ages and Padme had the sneaking suspicion that her son would be a pilot someday. Like his father.

Her smile faded with that thought. She didn't want her son to be like his father. And the fact that she didn't was flooding her with guilt. It wasn't supposed to be like this. When the Clone Wars had ended three years ago, she was eager to finally settle into a family life. Anakin would leave the Jedi, she would leave political life, and they would all move to Naboo like they had always planned. Padme wanted a large family and, considering the corruption they had discovered so high up in the Senate, was more than ready to retire as a public figure.

But Anakin was not. The Hero Without Fear enjoyed the acclaims of the press, reveled in the reports of how he had managed to defeat Chancellor Palpatine and save Master Windu. His marriage to Padme became known to the Jedi Council and, to Padme's surprise, Anakin had fought hard to remain a Jedi Knight. He brought all sorts of arguments before the council, aided by none other than his former master. That part REALLY surprised Padme. She had never thought Obi-Wan would tolerate such a flagrant disregard for the Jedi Code. When the twins had been born, though, she had seen the reasons written all over his face.

They had agreed that Obi-Wan should know the truth first. They owed him that much. Padme had suggested that they tell him together, but Anakin refused, saying he couldn't face the Jedi Master, leaving Padme stunned and more than a little angry. And so it had been Padme who had told Obi-Wan of the secret marriage. It had been Padme who had informed Obi-Wan who the father of the children she carried was. And it had been Padme who watched the undeniable hurt and betrayal cross Obi-Wan's face. In spite of the fact that he helped Anakin remain a Jedi Knight, many months went by before Padme felt that things were back on an even keel between her and her friend.

Even keel. Was it possible that things could ever return to what they had been between her and Anakin? Things had gone well….at first. They remained on Coruscant, much to her disappointment, but she did leave the political arena once the twins were born. She cared for them constantly during the first couple of months, refusing the idea of a nanny. Being a mother was the most amazing experience she had ever had. And when the twins were a little older and didn't require what seemed to be non-stop feedings and diaper changes, she found herself on the receiving end of several visits from friends like Bail Organa and Mon Mothma, who kept her 'in the know' regarding the current inner workings of the Senate. Obi-Wan often came by as well, playing with the twins and discussing his latest mission or his new padawan with her. Between her friends and the twins, she never had time to feel lonely.

Until darkness came. And she found herself utterly alone, the twins asleep, Anakin enjoying another party being given in his honor. No amount of chastisement from either the Council or Obi-Wan seemed to have any effect on his behavior. And he was far too popular a public figure, the much-touted Chosen One of the Jedi, for the Council to severely punish him. With the end of the Clone Wars, both the Senate and the Council were in the process of establishing a New Republic, forging a new relationship with one another. And the position of the Jedi in the Galactic Republic was, at present, far too uncertain to risk over the discipline of one errant Jedi.

But Anakin knew they were unhappy with him, which made him all the more determined to enjoy himself when he was not on a mission or tending to duties at the Temple. He was also irritated with their continuous refusal to allow him a Padawan. Padme soon found that any attempt on her part to try to explain the Council's position in diplomatic terms would only earn her either a scowl and the silent treatment for the rest of the evening or a sample of his still explosive temper as he ranted about being the Chosen One and how they were not treating him fairly. It depended on his mood. And she soon learned to hold her tongue, simply because she didn't want to argue.

The parties held in his honor seemed to be non-stop. And Padme quickly grew tired of them. She wanted to be home with her children and she assumed Anakin would want the same thing. To her dismay, he simply attended them alone. When she did ask him to stay with her, he usually refused, citing his duty to be at a party given for him. Eventually, he didn't even bother with that excuse. And any request on her part that he stay home with her and the children was met with stony silence.

As the decay of their friendship fed over into the decay of their love, she felt more and more isolated. She gave up on any notion of a romantic evening, on the thought of more children. Anakin became so selfish in their lovemaking that she dreaded his advances. He eventually sensed her lack of enthusiasm and the hands that had once eagerly embraced her stopped reaching for her in the night.

She couldn't get him to spend a decent amount of time with either Luke or Leia and eventually came to the awful conclusion that he was jealous of them. Jealous of the time she devoted to them. Jealous of the love she gave them. Jealous of the attention they garnered whenever they were in public. For just as he was known throughout the galaxy, the Skywalker twins were as well. The children of the Chosen One and the beautiful Senator of Naboo were unofficial icons of the New Republic. Their generation would surely lead the way into the era of peace everyone longed for. And Padme sadly recognized that her husband seethed with envy over their position, even though he and Obi-Wan were the current 'heroes' of the galaxy.

At some point, she had given up. She, who had refused to give in to the Trade Federation at the age of fourteen, who had stubbornly set off on a rescue mission to Geonosis, who had been part of a resistance against Palpatine's tyranny……had given up on her husband and her marriage. The forbidden aspect of their relationship had disappeared at the end of the Clone Wars, making such a thing less exciting….but certainly no less wanted. At least by Padme. Anakin's constant complaints about the Jedi and the Jedi Code wore on her nerves and she became an expert at tuning him out while still managing to look interested. His eventual refusal to help tend to the children, a few months after their birth, had been the first thing to really bring her up short. He was a parent! He couldn't just stop being a parent because he didn't feel like doing something that was required of a parent.

Padme sighed, watching R2 play some sort of game involving the stars with her son. She had never failed at anything in her life. But this……she had failed at this. She had failed at something that was the very cornerstone of her upbringing and culture. She had failed at marriage.

But she had Luke and Leia. Would she trade all this unhappiness if it meant that she would never hold them in her arms for the first time, never watch them take their first steps or hear them say their first words? She smiled slightly as R2 beeped and Luke frowned, cluing her in to the fact that the droid had beaten her son at something. No. Any amount of unhappiness she had to endure was well worth it.

"What's going on out here?"

Anakin's sleepy voice conveyed both curiosity and a small bit of irritation. Padme steeled herself for disapproval from her husband before answering.

"Luke couldn't sleep. We're just out enjoying the night air."

Luke regarded his father silently for a moment before walking over towards his mother.

"Seepy now, Mama," he informed her, holding his arms up to be carried. She saw the alertness in his eyes and knew he was lying. And her heart broke for her son, who didn't want to be around his own father. So she picked him up and carried him back inside, passing Anakin without a word. As she tucked Luke back in bed, he looked up at her questioningly.

"What is it, sweetie?"

"If I go back seep, will the bad man come again?" he asked her quietly. Padme's brow furrowed.

"Bad man?"

"The one I see when I go seep, Mama. He's all in black. And he has a….a….the siny thing Unca Obi has."

Padme smiled, though she thought it particularly telling that his father had the same object, but Luke had not referenced him.

"A lightsaber?"

"Yes. Only his is wed."

Red? The color of a Sith's 'saber? Padme shivered slightly, remembering quite clearly the face of the monster Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon had faced on Naboo. Where had Luke gotten such an image into his head?

"He was hurting you, Mama."

Her son's eyes were bright with tears and Padme dropped a gentle kiss on his forehead, caressing his cheek with her hand.

"It was only a dream, son. The bad man can't hurt you. Or me. See? I'm right here, aren't I? And I'll just be in the next room for the rest of the night. There's nothing to be afraid of. Dreams can't hurt you."

"Pwomise?"

Padme linked her pinky finger with her son's.

"I promise. Now go to sleep, baby."

"Not a baby," came the muffled reply as Luke burrowed into his pillow.

"I'm sorry, darling. Of course you're not," she dropped another kiss on his head and began to make her way out of the room.

"Mama?"

It never ceased to amaze Padme what impeccable timing her children had. Turning back around in the doorway, she saw her son sitting up, his blue eyes fixed on her.

"I love you, Mama."

"I love you too, sweetie," she managed to reply, although her throat suddenly felt choked. Satisfied, her son lay back down and Padme left, hoping to finally get some sleep of her own. But it was not to be.

"I want to talk."

She met her husband's gaze steadily. He wanted. Not 'Can we talk?'. Not 'I would like to talk'. Not even 'I need to talk'. No. 'I WANT to talk'. Want, want, want. It was a never-ending battle with this man that she had once loved. Or had she ever really loved him? Irritation flared within her as she regarded Anakin. She thought of all the times she had 'wanted' to spend time with him. All the times Luke and Leia had 'wanted' to play with their daddy. And she suddenly found that she had nothing left to give him.

"I don't," she replied quietly, brushing past him and into their room. The door shut behind her and, for a moment, she expected him to follow her. Almost hoped that he would. She had tried to fight for him for the past two years. She was tired of fighting alone. If he was willing to fight for her now, perhaps there was a chance for them. But he lingered only for a few moments and then left. Moments later, she heard him leave their apartment altogether. And she knew that a chapter in her life had just come to an end.

THE END...maybe?


End file.
